Is it worth to fight for?

— notes from the very end of 19 //

to you who hear my most silence whisper

to where my songs scattered with the wind and arrive

to the glorious and lovely soul up there

to the best and coolest friend of mine

I closed this 365th page with you, for you ♥✧

— — 

on a serene night in one Tuesday of April 

an-almost-grow-up girl sitting kneel down in the corner of the room next to a desk lamp that highlights her face then creates her shadow glued to the wall

in her hand, she held a spiral binding book — embrace it to her chest, 

while her mind wandering in the borderless contemplating space

she is sitting — but standing at the same time, in the edge of a narrow valley 
where a vast wall-less land began to appear in front of her

a little soul now have to grow up


just like any other little creatures once have to be a giant

she knows that the long secure path has over
she knows that a new journey must begin
she knows that this day must come
she knows, she knows it very well, as always
yet never had enough to prepare

denial — 
she tries to refuse and whisked her fate away
she hates the idea of resentful, drab, full selfish ambition, lonely, and all the risk all the way long there as an adult in this cold wide world —  and sometimes too tricky for a simple soul like her

"That's a bad idea"
"It's too much for me to bear"
"I don't think I can get along with it"

---
The clock is ticking without trying to understand that she needs more time
to prepare herself, to decide, to think or at least to imagine
what is going to happen next
the times is running out - and she is still there
cornered with many delusional minds

Because she is a type of girl who would do everything beyond the line
with all heart — with all her intention — with all her wisdom — with all her strength
so she need everything to make sense enough, certain enough, decent enough
to get her sincerity and earnestness
she want to know why
she want a reason
and answer

Is it worth to fight for? To be an adult??

In the nutshell,
she made her own answer

Since the universe put her name on the list among the stars
since the universe include her tiny soul hanging around on her own revolution orbit

she must be something 
that the universe needs to complete it

...

then now, Wendy has decided to grow up
and let go of Peterpan hand for good


[well, since I don't like a dramatic ending,
so, for once in a while, I'll let Peterpan come to visit 
and hanging around with me for a walk]

hope this inconsistency on writing personal pronoun perspective would spoil to you enough, who that Wendy that i mean on this page :)

Thank you for wasting ur precious time here,
May my Cool Friend up there bless you
with His love and guidence ❤



—A has grown up me (in progress)